Hello, ever reading audience. Allow me to paint you a picture.
Imagine a place devoid of stress, worry, thought, understanding, and reason. A place where everything you want to be and everything you think you are comes to an end, and everything you are is made to feel complete. A place that allows you to stop trying and stop doing and stop everything and anything. You feel peace, resonating from inside you, a warmth and a comfort, as if this place had always been home and you had just returned from a long, long vacation. The feeling that nothing else in the world even matters or compares to the moment you are in now, and that no other thing or place in the world could ever match up. You have thoughts and worries and questions, but they can't touch you, as if they're on the other side of a wall of glass. You're detached, but aware. You know that life is still there, but it doesn't matter, it doesn't hold sway, it has no gravity. Because the life you've been living is just a facade, a bad replica of the way you feel now. It's but a reflection of a shadow of a dream. In this place, time slows to the perfect speed, where it's moving slowly enough that you get to draw the enjoyment of every second out, but quickly enough that you know that it is really happening. Everything else comes to a halt, and you just are. You're just alive. You're just being.
Imagine a place devoid of stress, worry, thought, understanding, and reason. A place where everything you want to be and everything you think you are comes to an end, and everything you are is made to feel complete. A place that allows you to stop trying and stop doing and stop everything and anything. You feel peace, resonating from inside you, a warmth and a comfort, as if this place had always been home and you had just returned from a long, long vacation. The feeling that nothing else in the world even matters or compares to the moment you are in now, and that no other thing or place in the world could ever match up. You have thoughts and worries and questions, but they can't touch you, as if they're on the other side of a wall of glass. You're detached, but aware. You know that life is still there, but it doesn't matter, it doesn't hold sway, it has no gravity. Because the life you've been living is just a facade, a bad replica of the way you feel now. It's but a reflection of a shadow of a dream. In this place, time slows to the perfect speed, where it's moving slowly enough that you get to draw the enjoyment of every second out, but quickly enough that you know that it is really happening. Everything else comes to a halt, and you just are. You're just alive. You're just being.
Have you ever felt like that before? That still, and yet full of life? It's not something many people can say they've experienced. It's a feeling unlike any other you can conceive of. Everything in the universe just feels right, and you think that all the pain and sadness faced in life is worth feeling like that, if even for a moment. In that moment, everything lines up perfectly and you let go of everything and anything. You lose yourself in it, immersing yourself in it, basking even.
But all things must come to an end, and you can see the end of this one from a mile away. You dread it, because you don't remember how reality feels and you don't want to remember. You just want to stay put and never have to move, or breathe, or feel anything else ever again. But you know you have to, and you let the peace you've felt walk you right up to that line. And then you stand there, time slamming to a halt for a final second, and you realize where you are and where you're about to be again, and you have that one last contented sigh, and then you let go. You stare that moment in the face, and then you let go.
But all things must come to an end, and you can see the end of this one from a mile away. You dread it, because you don't remember how reality feels and you don't want to remember. You just want to stay put and never have to move, or breathe, or feel anything else ever again. But you know you have to, and you let the peace you've felt walk you right up to that line. And then you stand there, time slamming to a halt for a final second, and you realize where you are and where you're about to be again, and you have that one last contented sigh, and then you let go. You stare that moment in the face, and then you let go.
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| "...it's like I've been sleeping underwater..." |
And then reality hits you. Sometimes its solid, like a wave in the ocean. It's massive and unstoppable, and it washes over you and knocks you flat on your back and carries you away. And other times, it's slow and subtle, like a cooling sensation that starts at your fingertips and slowly but surely fills you with that familiar sensation of having just woken up, where everything is fuzzy at the edges. In either case, you're not sure whether or not it really happened, and the feeling falls more and more out of touch over time.
So you're back in reality, and you remember having that dream, you remember how real it felt while you were there, and you'd give anything to be back there again. Life isn't as easy as it seemed while you were dreaming, when you could still feel that alive, and you just want to throw all of the bad parts out the window and hide somewhere cozy and warm and pretend that life isn't happening. You sink back into your "the future scares the living hell out of me" fetal position and you stay there until you fall asleep.
'Just Being' is the feeling that I think everyone in the universe would sell their souls for. It's the kind of thing that you bottle up and peddle like a drug lord, getting everyone addicted and then slowly but surely taking control of their lives and twisting their disposable income to your own use.
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| This could totally be my life, if I could just figure out how to bottle up that feeling... |
Does anyone else know what I'm talking about? Or have I just had the most unreal few weeks of my life and no one will ever be able to relate? Because, honestly, I think that's something I could really get used to. I'm selfish like that. Until next time, audience.
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